I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
