know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
