4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
