In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
