dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
