I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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