i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
