So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
