apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize