She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
