just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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