I'm pants shitting drunk right now
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
