I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize