I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You made out with two different species that night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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