now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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