I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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