i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
