he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
These tits shall not be calmed
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
