you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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