Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
farters have to be the big spoon...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
