she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
