is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Vodka?
Forever.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
