i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I deserve this hangover.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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