my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
