We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
