I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
