I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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