It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
