you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
