you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
