I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
