every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
