i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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