ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize