I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
