My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
