she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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