First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
