Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have demons in me.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
