I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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