New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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