rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
