What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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