I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
