that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
