So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
