She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize