I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
