Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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