I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
