I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
