If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
