i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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