Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
