69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
