He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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