I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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