It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
