it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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