At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Screwed.edu
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
