I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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