I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
