Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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