It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
