I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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