Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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