That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize