Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
