normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
