Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
