Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
