Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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