she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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