I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
