I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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