I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
