She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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